When the ‘rescuer’ in the drama triangle gets fed up, there are problems ahead
25 May 2021
There is a model of relationships called the ‘drama triangle’, in which individuals move between the role of rescuer, persecutor or victim. In many relationships partners gravitate towards one of these roles - typically rescuer or victim.
By rescuer I mean someone who take a lot of responsibility for their partner, who gives them advice and who often adopts a slightly superior position.
Read more: When the ‘rescuer’ in the drama triangle gets fed up, there are problems ahead
Letting go of how things 'should' be
30 April 2021
“Always seek to allow others the space to be imperfect.”
Alan Downs
Many of us drive ourselves so hard - and we often drive others hard too.
Much of this comes from our understanding how things ‘should’ or ought to be - I’ve heard it described as having ‘a hardening of the oughteries.’
I recently went through a process of looking at what my values are, or what I’d like them to be, and one of the values I came up with was a phrase - ‘accepting other people’s imperfections and my own’.
Getting over an affair or betrayal
12 April 2021
One of the most common reasons couples seek therapy is in the aftermath of an affair or betrayal.
Frequently, the deceived partner is left with some very raw feelings - anger, grief, confusion, even despair. The partner who has strayed will also have some uncomfortable feelings, particularly guilt.
When I say ‘affair’ I’m including both betrayals that involve sex and also so-called emotional affairs where one partner has sought emotional intimacy with another person.
