How to communicate criticism in a way that your partner will listen
13 February 2024
Mostly when we criticise our partner they switch off, they see it coming and are already forming their defence in their mind before we have completed our sentence.
So, how can we communicate about something our partner has done that has annoyed or hurt us, without them becoming immediately defensive?
Narcissism - the underlying pain of narcissistic wounding
5 December 2023
“Narcissism is a condition in which a person does not love himself.”
- Thomas Moore
Today the word narcissism and narcissist is thrown around a lot, mostly as an insult.
But often we fail to understand the pain of the early ‘narcissistic wounding’ that underlies narcissistic behaviour. We only see the outward behaviour of selfishness, treating other people as objects, a lack of vulnerability.
Not seeing people as they really are - idealising and demonising
13 November 2023
Sometimes when listening to the radio in the morning I find myself internally commenting on a political story that’s being covered and thinking to myself, ‘That politician is completely hypocritical and manipulative - all they’re interested in is themselves.”
Or, if it’s someone speaking who I feel more warmly towards, I might think: “Thank goodness they’re speaking the truth, if only everyone would listen to them!”
Parent-child dynamics in couple relationships
11 October 2023
Do you ever feel like your partner is treating you like a child, or perhaps the opposite, that they’re seeming a little childish and you feel a little bit like a parent? This is a common feeling in many relationships and it’s not a particularly healthy dynamic.
After all, who really wants their love relationship to sometimes resemble a parent-child dynamic?
Daring to be ourselves
18 July 2023
Authenticity has become a bit of a buzzword in recent years - we are urged to ‘be authentic’. I’m not always quite sure what it means. But I think there’s some truth in the idea that it’s generally better for people to be honest about themselves rather than pretend to be someone other than they are, in order to win approval.
This is one of the themes tackled by film screenwriter Charlie Kaufman in this video. I find a lot of what he says, and the way he expresses himself, inspiring.