How to challenge destructive or self-destructive behaviour
5 March 2022
How do we react when someone close to us is behaving in a destructive or self-destructive way? The temptation may be to not say anything because we are frightened of upsetting or making them angry. But then the behaviour continues and we may feel our resentment grow or look for ways out of the relationship.
A good approach in these situations is the SET technique, described in the book I Hate You - please don’t leave me*. This approach was developed for people seeking to challenge destructive behaviour by people with borderline personality disorder, such as suicide threats, verbal or physical abuse or substance abuse.
Read more: How to challenge destructive or self-destructive behaviour
Tackling the problems of a low-sex relationship
28 September 2021
Sex often emerges as an issue in couple therapy, even if it’s not the primary issue the couple has come with. In many instances a couple’s sex life has reduced dramatically or has become unsatisfying.
When sex is going well it adds an important benefit to a relationship - fostering closeness and trust. But when sex is going badly, or not at all, it takes a heavy toll. The more problems surrounding sex, the more the couple tends to avoid even trying and over time the problem can become chronic.
Inhibited sexual desire (ISD) is the most common form of sexual problem, with one in three women and one in seven men reporting a lack of desire. The second most common problem is differences in sexual desire within the couple.
Self-compassion
23.7.21
Ten or twenty years ago one of the main buzz phrases in psychology and self-help was ‘raising self-esteem’. That’s still an important topic for many people, but a different take on this subject is the idea of ‘self-compassion’.
Psychologist Kathryn Neff explores this topic in her book Self Compassion*. This is a great guide to how we can become more loving towards ourselves.
I know that for some people that may sound rather airy fairy or self-indulgent. But in my experience when we can truly love and accept ourselves our relationships with others also benefit - we become happier and more loving partners/children/parents/work colleagues/friends.
