Are you addicted to porn?

29. October 2024

These days it is so much easier to access pornography than in the past. The internet has brought all kinds of hardcore porn into someone’s home with a few clicks on the computer keyboard or swipes on a smart phone.

This is not an article about the moral rights or wrongs of porn, but rather the risk that excessive porn use can become an addictive way for some people, usually men, to deal with life.

Can you turn around a low sex (or no sex) relationship?

26 September 2024

One of the most common issues many couples have to deal with is when their sex life dramatically reduces or, in some cases, stops. There may be different reasons for this but, once a low sex or no sex relationship has become the norm it can be very hard to shift.

The definition I’m using of ‘low sex’ relationship is when it happens less than 10 times a year. About 20% of couples are in a low sex relationship, using this definition, according to Barry and Emily McCarthy, authors of the book Rekindling Desire.

Dealing with ‘negative’ emotions

5 September 2024

Many of us have trouble dealing with so-called negative emotions - such as fear, anxiety, anger, sadness.

I often hear clients say they just don’t want those kind of feelings and how can they get rid of them? Of course, you can’t simply ‘get rid’ of a particular feeling and even if you could you’d be giving up something important as feelings play an important role in our life, even difficult feelings.

Why opposites attract - and can then repel

26 August 2024

When we first meet and get to know our partner we are often attracted, or at least intrigued, by qualities they have that are different to us. But, over time, those ‘opposite’ qualities we used to like can begin to annoy us.

For observers it can seem strange that two people who, in some ways, are so different to each other end up in a relationship.

We may not like it, but pain can have a purpose

18 June 2024

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
Carl Jung

Most of us try to avoid pain in our daily lives. instead we seek pleasure. Nothing wrong with that, you might say, and obviously it’s important to allow ourselves pleasurable experiences.

What is passive aggression and how do you deal with it?

13 May 2024

Do you have someone in your life who is passive aggressive, or is it something you yourself express in your relationships?

Firstly, what is passive aggression? It’s a way that some people express aggression or anger in an indirect way. This could include ‘forgetting’ that they’ve agreed to do something or forgetting important events such as birthdays. Or arriving late when they’re meeting up with you.

I love you, I hate you

27 April 2024

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

I hate u I love u, Gnash

The people you love are usually the ones that can hurt you the most. That’s why there are so many songs about love turned sour, the beloved becoming the hated.

In every blessing a curse and in every curse a blessing

31 March 2024

The phrase above was one that a workshop leader in a men’s group I used to be a part of would use. It resonated with me because it seemed to say something profound about the human experience.

It’s also a paradox - a contradictory statement that nevertheless contains truth.

What I understand by the phrase is that often, when something good, something we’ve longed for, happens it can contain the seeds of something negative or challenging. Similarly, when something bad or unwanted happens there will often be something positive that comes out of it.

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