How couples handle money

25.3.25

Arguments about money are one of the main reasons for couple conflict.

One of the main ways this shows up is if one partner is predominantly a saver and the other a spender. It can be very easy for the couple to get into a cycle of mutual blaming.

The spender may say they want the couple to enjoy life, to have nice things or exciting experiences because, who knows what the future holds.

Are you a care taker/people pleaser?

12 February 2025

You may have come across the phrases ‘care taker’ or ‘people pleaser’ and wondered if they apply to you, especially if you find yourself often in the situation of doing things for other people but feeling it’s unappreciated or that your needs and wants seem to get left until last.

Care takers/pleasers often find themselves in the role of taking care of others - their children, younger siblings, aged parents and even their partners.

Clearly there is a positive element of this behaviour. It is often a healthy quality to be thoughtful towards others and - especially in the case where people are too young or vulnerable to look after themselves - it is necessary that we are able to show care.

Are you addicted to porn?

29. October 2024

These days it is so much easier to access pornography than in the past. The internet has brought all kinds of hardcore porn into someone’s home with a few clicks on the computer keyboard or swipes on a smart phone.

This is not an article about the moral rights or wrongs of porn, but rather the risk that excessive porn use can become an addictive way for some people, usually men, to deal with life.

Can you turn around a low sex (or no sex) relationship?

26 September 2024

One of the most common issues many couples have to deal with is when their sex life dramatically reduces or, in some cases, stops. There may be different reasons for this but, once a low sex or no sex relationship has become the norm it can be very hard to shift.

The definition I’m using of ‘low sex’ relationship is when it happens less than 10 times a year. About 20% of couples are in a low sex relationship, using this definition, according to Barry and Emily McCarthy, authors of the book Rekindling Desire.

Dealing with ‘negative’ emotions

5 September 2024

Many of us have trouble dealing with so-called negative emotions - such as fear, anxiety, anger, sadness.

I often hear clients say they just don’t want those kind of feelings and how can they get rid of them? Of course, you can’t simply ‘get rid’ of a particular feeling and even if you could you’d be giving up something important as feelings play an important role in our life, even difficult feelings.

Why opposites attract - and can then repel

26 August 2024

When we first meet and get to know our partner we are often attracted, or at least intrigued, by qualities they have that are different to us. But, over time, those ‘opposite’ qualities we used to like can begin to annoy us.

For observers it can seem strange that two people who, in some ways, are so different to each other end up in a relationship.

We may not like it, but pain can have a purpose

18 June 2024

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
Carl Jung

Most of us try to avoid pain in our daily lives. instead we seek pleasure. Nothing wrong with that, you might say, and obviously it’s important to allow ourselves pleasurable experiences.

What is passive aggression and how do you deal with it?

13 May 2024

Do you have someone in your life who is passive aggressive, or is it something you yourself express in your relationships?

Firstly, what is passive aggression? It’s a way that some people express aggression or anger in an indirect way. This could include ‘forgetting’ that they’ve agreed to do something or forgetting important events such as birthdays. Or arriving late when they’re meeting up with you.

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