We won’t find the ‘right’ partner but we may find the good-enough partner
4 October 2020
One of my favourite relationship thinkers is Alain de Botton, who does a good job debunking the expectations many of us bring to our intimate relationships.
Fuelled by the messages of pop songs, romantic comedies and fiction, many of us have been conditioned to expect our partner to be a ‘soul mate’. We will not only feel completely in love with this person but they will also be our best friend, our supporter, they will understand us completely and forgive us our flaws.
Read more: We won’t find the ‘right’ partner but we may find the good-enough partner
Our need for validation
20 September 2020
We all have a need to feel validated. By this I mean that what we feel, or how we are at some deeper level, is essentially ‘okay’.
Many of us have not received that validation as children. Or maybe we received validation for certain things (eg academic achievement, being responsible) and not for others (eg being sensitive, feeling angry).
Understanding our emotions
30 August 2020
“The heart has its reasons that reason knoweth not.”
- Blaise Pascal
The quote above from French thinker Blaise Pascal describes the immense power of our emotions and how our rational self often fails to control them.
That is often what brings people into therapy. They say, “I don’t know why I’m so angry/sad/anxious - it makes no sense.” They may sometimes add, “It’s just not me!” What they mean, of course, is the emotion does not match the ‘me’ they think they are or would like to be seen as.
So, emotions are important and therapy is sometimes criticised for being too focused on them. There’s the mocking stereotype of the therapist asking his client at every opportunity - “So, how does that make you feel?”
